The Dos and Don’ts of Communicating Your Sexual Needs and Desires

The Dos and Don’ts of Communicating Your Sexual Needs and Desires

Sexual communication can be challenging, nerve-wracking, and overwhelming. It’s hard to know what to say, how to say it and when to say it. There’s always the fear of rejection, embarrassment, or being misunderstood. But, communicating your sexual needs and desires is a crucial aspect of any healthy sexual relationship. In this blog post, we shall be discussing the dos and don’ts of communicating your sexual needs and desires. Whether you’re in a committed relationship or just casually dating, these tips will come in handy.


Do: Be clear and specific. One of the most crucial aspects of communicating your sexual needs and desires is being clear and specific about what you want. Avoid using vague words or euphemisms that may be interpreted differently. Use precise language to convey your message. For instance, if you want your partner to go down on you, don’t say “I want more oral sex”. Instead, you can say, “I would appreciate it if you could go down on me more often”. Being specific increases your chances of your partner understanding your desires and fulfilling them.


Do: Use “I” statements. Starting your statements with “I” instead of “you” can make it less accusatory and more approachable. For instance, instead of saying “You never do what I want”, you can say “I feel really appreciated when we do this”, which is more constructive and puts the focus on the speaker’s feelings, rather than attacking the listener. Using “I” statements helps prevent conflicts, misunderstandings and shows that you’re taking responsibility for your feelings and actions.


Assume your partner can read your mind. We all have different sexual desires and preferences. Just because your partner hasn’t made a move on something doesn’t mean they don’t want to satisfy your needs. They might not be aware of what you want or may have an entirely different understanding of what you need. Assuming they know can lead to unmet expectations, resentment, and frustrations.


Don’t: Communicate during sex. Trying to convey your sexual needs and desires during sex can be difficult and disruptive. If you’re not used to talking during sex or it’s something new for you, it can be challenging to keep up with the rhythm or maintain your arousal levels. Before getting to bed, discuss your sexual needs and desires over dinner or when you’re both in a relaxed and comfortable state. This way, you prepare your partner for what you want, and they can plan on how to satisfy you.

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Listen to your partner. Sexual communication is a two-way street. After discussing your needs and desires, give your partner a chance to tell you their own sexual expectations. Listening helps you understand their perspective, preferences and desires. Listening also builds intimacy and trust between you and your partner. This way, you can both guide each other on what works best and how to achieve it.

Communicating your sexual needs and desires is important for any healthy sexual relationship. By using clear and specific language, using “I” statements, avoiding assumptions and communicating outside of the bedroom and listening to your partner, you can make sexual communication more comfortable and productive. Effective sexual communication leads to better intimacy, greater sexual satisfaction, and more profound emotional connections. Remember, there’s no harm in asking, but there is in assuming.

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